Bart: Are we awake?
Jim: We're not sure.
Are we black?
Bart: Yes, we are.
Jim: Then we're awake,
but very puzzled.
************
[Bart, disguised as a Klansman, describes his qualifications
as a villain]
Bart: Stampeding
cattle.
Hedley Lamarr: That's
not much of a crime.
Bart: Through the
Vatican?
Hedley Lamarr: [smiling]
Kinky. Sign here.
************
Hedley Lamarr: My
mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a
waterfall of creative alternatives.
Taggart: God darnit Mr.
Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.
************
Hedley Lamarr: My
mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening thru a cosmic
vapor of invention.
Taggart: Ditto.
Hedley Lamarr: "Ditto"?
"Ditto," you provincial putz?
************
Taggart: What do you
want me to do sir?
Hedley Lamarr: I want
you to round up ever vicious criminal and gun slinger in the west. Take this
down.
[Taggart looks for a pen and paper while Hedley talks]
Hedley Lamarr: I want
rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs,
nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican
bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull
dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.
Taggart: [finding
pen and paper] Could you repeat that, sir?
