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Up to the minute notes on the current state of free thinking and free living: Kentucky moonshine - original analysis and reporting from MoreThings, and all round pop culture museum of sight and sound - photo galleries, mp3 and video downloads.
Al Barger and MoreThings - getting people's goats since 1998.
Live free or die!
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April 19, 2003
Re: Jesus and his shadow essay
Rodney Welch writes: "Would I be wrong in imagining that, in real life, whether you're in your usual bellicose mood or simply trying to be witty and amiable, your look never changes -- blood pressure still remains sky-high, eyes still burn with coals of hatred, and people still take their hankerchiefs out to wipe the spit off their faces?"
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Al responds:
Dear Bastard-
Oh G-d, how I hate you. Hate you. Hate you. My pulse pounds with the desire to smash and destroy all that is good and decent. My eyes burn with resentment of all that is just and right!
Why, why can't I learn to be a beacon of positivity and love like Rodney Welch? Rodney Welch represents tolerance and acceptance of other people. His heart flows with the milk of human kindness.
Bleh! I puke the milk of human kindness back on you. Foul, foul, bitter drink.
Kill. Kill. Destroy!
XOX,
Al
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Mr. Welch responds: "I'll take that as a 'Yes.'"
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Al's final response: I know you are, but what am I?
posted by Al at 4/19/2003 03:56:00 PM
Will Jesus see his shadow?
Easter is upon us once again. Spring has sprung, and all the little girls will be out in their new Easter outfits heading for church to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. I haven't been to church for awhile, so my understanding of the Easter protocols may be a little rusty.
Anyway, on Easter Jesus comes out of the ground. Then the preacher tells us if Jesus saw his shadow. If Jesus sees his shadow, then we all burn in hell for six weeks. [It's generally not much of a surprise; the answer is almost always "YES".]
Then we kill and eat Jesus. This sounds bad, but it's okay- he likes it. "Take, eat- this is my body." It's some kind of masochistic thing. Only you just eat a little bit of him, cause he has to last so you can eat a little of him each Sunday until he rises again next Easter. Hey, it's better than killing the cute, fluffy little Easter bunny who brings you eggs and candy and pretty bonnets instead of sending you to hell.
Exactly who kills Jesus seems to be kind of an open question. It used to be that the Jews killed Jesus. Christians like Jews now, however, so somebody else has to kill The Savior. Saddam Hussein was going to carve the turkey, but he's busy roasting in hell now. Kinky Friedman thinks it was Santa Claus. Others blame the Palestenians. Personally, I think it should be the North Koreans.
You never get filled up on Jesus though, so then everybody goes to grandma's for a nice ham and some of those Easter eggs. It's all good.
Then it's Monday again, so we all forget about this story book stuff and go back to work and reality. Fortunately we have more sense than to really believe all of our mythology.
This is as opposed to some other people around the world- many Muslims, for example- who really take their own brands of foolishness to heart. This causes no end of grief for them and the rest of us. The world would be so much more pleasant to live in if they would just learn the joys of Santa Claus and Easter bunnies.
posted by Al at 4/19/2003 03:06:00 PM
April 18, 2003
Malkovich?
posted by Al at 4/18/2003 10:49:00 PM
Damned red headed freak
Conan O'Brien was born on this day, April 18, 1963. Happy 40th birthday, Conan!
Sure, he looks like a freaky outer space outcast from the planet Ireland, but don't let those goofy looks fool you: this guys got a heller resume. Besides making the big bucks with his late night show, he was also a writer at Saturday Night Live and later for The Simpsons. Boys, that's what you call a resume.
posted by Al at 4/18/2003 02:56:00 AM
The midnight ride of Paul Revere
On April 18, 1775 Paul Revere and William Dawes road through the countryside warning that "The British are coming!"
Aw heck, I can't tell the story any better than the famous poem:
Paul Revere's Ride
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Listen my children and you shall hear
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,
On the eighteenth of April, in Seventy-five;
Hardly a man is now alive
Who remembers that famous day and year.
He said to his friend, "If the British march
By land or sea from the town to-night,
Hang a lantern aloft in the belfry arch
Of the North Church tower as a signal light,--
One if by land, and two if by sea;
And I on the opposite shore will be,
Ready to ride and spread the alarm
Through every Middlesex village and farm,
For the country folk to be up and to arm."
Then he said "Good-night!" and with muffled oar
Silently rowed to the Charlestown shore,
Just as the moon rose over the bay,
Where swinging wide at her moorings lay
The Somerset, British man-of-war;
A phantom ship, with each mast and spar
Across the moon like a prison bar,
And a huge black hulk, that was magnified
By its own reflection in the tide.
Meanwhile, his friend through alley and street
Wanders and watches, with eager ears,
Till in the silence around him he hears
The muster of men at the barrack door,
The sound of arms, and the tramp of feet,
And the measured tread of the grenadiers,
Marching down to their boats on the shore.
Then he climbed the tower of the Old North Church,
By the wooden stairs, with stealthy tread,
To the belfry chamber overhead,
And startled the pigeons from their perch
On the sombre rafters, that round him made
Masses and moving shapes of shade,--
By the trembling ladder, steep and tall,
To the highest window in the wall,
Where he paused to listen and look down
A moment on the roofs of the town
And the moonlight flowing over all.
Beneath, in the churchyard, lay the dead,
In their night encampment on the hill,
Wrapped in silence so deep and still
That he could hear, like a sentinel's tread,
The watchful night-wind, as it went
Creeping along from tent to tent,
And seeming to whisper, "All is well!"
A moment only he feels the spell
Of the place and the hour, and the secret dread
Of the lonely belfry and the dead;
For suddenly all his thoughts are bent
On a shadowy something far away,
Where the river widens to meet the bay,--
A line of black that bends and floats
On the rising tide like a bridge of boats.
Meanwhile, impatient to mount and ride,
Booted and spurred, with a heavy stride
On the opposite shore walked Paul Revere.
Now he patted his horse's side,
Now he gazed at the landscape far and near,
Then, impetuous, stamped the earth,
And turned and tightened his saddle girth;
But mostly he watched with eager search
The belfry tower of the Old North Church,
As it rose above the graves on the hill,
Lonely and spectral and sombre and still.
And lo! as he looks, on the belfry's height
A glimmer, and then a gleam of light!
He springs to the saddle, the bridle he turns,
But lingers and gazes, till full on his sight
A second lamp in the belfry burns.
A hurry of hoofs in a village street,
A shape in the moonlight, a bulk in the dark,
And beneath, from the pebbles, in passing, a spark
Struck out by a steed flying fearless and fleet;
That was all! And yet, through the gloom and the light,
The fate of a nation was riding that night;
And the spark struck out by that steed, in his flight,
Kindled the land into flame with its heat.
He has left the village and mounted the steep,
And beneath him, tranquil and broad and deep,
Is the Mystic, meeting the ocean tides;
And under the alders that skirt its edge,
Now soft on the sand, now loud on the ledge,
Is heard the tramp of his steed as he rides.
It was twelve by the village clock
When he crossed the bridge into Medford town.
He heard the crowing of the cock,
And the barking of the farmer's dog,
And felt the damp of the river fog,
That rises after the sun goes down.
It was one by the village clock,
When he galloped into Lexington.
He saw the gilded weathercock
Swim in the moonlight as he passed,
And the meeting-house windows, black and bare,
Gaze at him with a spectral glare,
As if they already stood aghast
At the bloody work they would look upon.
It was two by the village clock,
When he came to the bridge in Concord town.
He heard the bleating of the flock,
And the twitter of birds among the trees,
And felt the breath of the morning breeze
Blowing over the meadow brown.
And one was safe and asleep in his bed
Who at the bridge would be first to fall,
Who that day would be lying dead,
Pierced by a British musket ball.
You know the rest. In the books you have read
How the British Regulars fired and fled,---
How the farmers gave them ball for ball,
>From behind each fence and farmyard wall,
Chasing the redcoats down the lane,
Then crossing the fields to emerge again
Under the trees at the turn of the road,
And only pausing to fire and load.
So through the night rode Paul Revere;
And so through the night went his cry of alarm
To every Middlesex village and farm,---
A cry of defiance, and not of fear,
A voice in the darkness, a knock at the door,
And a word that shall echo for evermore!
For, borne on the night-wind of the Past,
Through all our history, to the last,
In the hour of darkness and peril and need,
The people will waken and listen to hear
The hurrying hoof-beats of that steed,
And the midnight message of Paul Revere.
Note that this Longfellow poem is kind of a Hollywood version, so to speak. It is somewhat embellished. Again as nearly always, if you want a scrupulous historical record you'll want a history book, not a poem, song or movie.
Nonetheless there is underlying truth. Paul Revere did take that ride to warn the countryside (and William Dawes deserves credit that he doesn't usually get). More broadly and more importantly, Revere among many others did risk his life, fortune and sacred honor to establish a free country. And that's no myth.
posted by Al at 4/18/2003 02:49:00 AM
April 16, 2003
Birthday for a giant little tramp
Charlie Chaplin came into the world in London, England 114 years ago on this day, April 16 in 1889. This would be a good excuse to hunt down some Chaplin.
Somewhat over time I must admit that the egalitarian liberal sentimentality of the little tramp wears a bit thin.
On the other hand, Chaplin was brilliant, a cinema giant. He made real art out of his political sentiments. If you haven't seen The Great Dictator or City Lights, then you're just missing out. I would also suggest looking for some of the last movies he made, after finally, finally retiring the little tramp.
They were not popular at the time, but there is more storytelling and thoughtful expression in Monsieur Verdoux than in most movies. It was also interesting to see him playing a murderous villain. It thus lacks characteristic Chaplin sentimentality. You see him after a lifetime of experience in moviemaking trying something new and different.
That he was making this kind of commitment to advancing the state of his art in this way this late on stands as one of the better testaments you could make to the man.
posted by Al at 4/16/2003 10:42:00 PM
With friends like this
So this guy Fred has an article in the Princeton paper suggesting that a lot could be cleared up by essentially putting a tax on internet users to divide up amongst the record companies. This has been a point of contention at Blogcritics.
Screw adding new taxes on people who use and people who don't use P2P. Also, shouldn't most of the money go to porno sites, since that's certainly a big percentage of downloads. Also, television producers. How many bazillion copies of South Park episodes are being swapped?
If the record companies would of their own initiative set up servers and charge a modest fee for downloads, they could in fact make a buttload of money. Consumers could get a better product, no crappy mislabeled files, decoys, etc. They could get good direct server downloads instead of having to get something of Billy Bob's home PC in Omaha.
But NO. They want to get stupid. No MP3s for anybody for no reason or we will stomp you.
All right, screw ya. The record companies can all go out of business.
Newer models will be emerging, and the artists will come out ahead. Hey, if the artists let you download songs from their server for a measly dime a throw and get a modest 100k downloads, they're probably already ahead of what they'd get from a major record label for a gold album.
There are a zillion ways to offer the music and make the money. The record companies are just too stupid and reactionary to even try to figure them out.
By the way, this Fred guy is, well, here:
"Fred von Lohmann is a senior staff attorney at the Electronic Frontier Foundation (www.eff.org), a membership-supported nonprofit organization that defends civil liberties and free expression in the digital world."
Dang, these are supposed to be the people DEFENDING FREEDOM in the digital realm. What kind of Orwellian definition of "freedom" does this proposal qualify under?
posted by Al at 4/16/2003 01:08:00 PM
April 15, 2003
Moved, left no forwarding address
It's been suggested that France, Germany and Russia might begin to be involved in the reconstruction of Iraq as they have requested by considering forgiving loans to Iraq.
This seems to be putting it extremely mildly by my lights. I don't see how they could even think about beginning to ask for a penny of repayment.
Monsieur de Villepin comes to Baghdad playing loan collecter. He shows up at the former Hussein presidential palace, now hosting a fledgling ministry of the new government. In Iraqi the guy says, "Brother, they moved and left no forwarding address. You might try looking in Syria for some your other partners. If you can get an address for any of them, call this beeper number at Tommy Franks' place. Everybody's looking for them." Then he'll probably be babbling something about Franks having negroes hiding in bowls of rice in Indochina waiting for Baathists.
Anyway, all those debts and contracts were with the Baath party. It's not like France was giving money or doing anything whatsoever to actually help the Iraqi people. How would this be THEIR responsibility? It's like some mobster has died, so his creditor goes to collect his debt from the shopkeepers the dead guy used to shake down. How is this legitimate?
My people are from Kentucky, so I may be a little slow on the uptake here. Are Iraqi citizens somehow expected now to pay the Germans for the nasty shit they sold Hussein to use in oppressing and killing them? This is akin to the practice of the Chinese government of sending a bill to the families of executed prisoners charging them for the price of the bullet.
Some countries bet on the wrong horse, and they lost. In this case, they acted in exceptionally bad faith in helping to prop up a particularly wicked dictator for reasons of protecting petty business interests. They valued their few lousy billion dollars in trade over the safety of the world or the good of Iraqis.
Now the longsuffering Iraqis should be expected to pay the French money because...?
Psst, the guy you're looking for is named 'Hussein'. You might try calling the front desk in HELL. Maybe he can wire you your money.
posted by Al at 4/15/2003 03:24:00 PM
Balances of power
[Morethings index for The Shield]
Season 2 finale, Episode 13 "Dominoes Falling"
Air date: 4-01-03
The end of the season upended the power balances in the show in numerous ways. Just working out the new equilibrium of these forces would be enough to run a whole season of new shows.
Captain Aceveda won his primary, which means he will be their for another six months in the Barn, and pretty much immune from control higher up. For he will then become a city councilman, as Vic put it "our bosses boss."
Yet Vic on the other end has something of a newly enhanced power base, to the tune of however many millions of dollars the team ripped off from the mob. Even without announcing it to anyone, which they obviously couldn't, the Strike Team has practically unlimited resources if they need them. The threat of losing their jobs or pensions won't be much of a threat. They can hire the top shysters in the business if they get into trouble.
All in all, power (Aceveda) vs money (Vic) vs conscience (Claudette) promise great things for season 3.
posted by Al at 4/15/2003 03:24:00 PM
Good guys win
God love Dennis Prager. He's got basic moral sense, and a good sense for how the very idea of morality works on people's minds. Take for example, this quote from his current column:
This preoccupation with good and evil is a primary reason America is hated. If people demonstrating against the American-led war against Saddam Hussein's Iraq cared about peace or about good and evil, they would have been rioting against China, against Sudan, against North Korea, against Iran's mullahs, and against Saddam. But America, precisely because it is good, and precisely because it fights evil, shames all these people. And you never hate anyone as much as he who forces you to stare at evil and at your acceptance of it.
Because America talks about good and evil and does something about it, those nations and individuals, including many Americans, that have other priorities resent this America, and some even wish it "a million Mogadishus."
Back in Culpepperland, I have become increasing skeptical of "morality" for fear that it is just a tool for political bludgeoning. I don't have much truck with Bill Bennett or Jesse Jackson either one. People pimping "morality" can do some mighty crazy damage- it gives them cover to do almost anything. The emotional nature of feelings about morality makes it especially vulnerable to being shanghaied by baser instincts.
That morality can be abused by politicians and demagogues does not mean that morality is impossible or unnecessary, however. You need some moral goalposts to know what you are aiming at, and how to judge what to do. You can usually see the difference between great public displays of MORALITY (preacher/politicians are especially good at this) versus quiet and simple explanations and straightforward behavior. You need some moral goalposts to know what you are aiming at, and how to judge what to do.
People are complicated critters, sophistication in understanding others and subtlety are important considerations if you want to get all the disparate people of the world to behave decently and get along.
Yet the fancier understandings must ultimately be grounded in basic truths and simple values. The US is the good guy. Not always 100% perfect in all times ever, but we are certainly the leaders of the free world, coping with the nastiest customers on the globe in order to secure our own safety. Ultimately the rest of the world benefits. The world is a little bit better place without the Iraqi Baath Party.
The allegedly more sophisticated State Department international balancing act that Bush the First pursued resulted in an additional ten years of misery to the world by leaving Hussein in place. Sometimes "That son of a bitch is wicked and evil. He needs whacked" is exactly the right call. It don't take a genius to know to whack a goddam poisonous snake. In fact, that's both the moral and smart thing to do.
Now there are some complicated mathematical and logical checks to follow through, but if your compasses are not way out of whack, US = good guys. Hussein = nasty tyrant with nasty weapons who has killed over a million people but will no longer be oppressing his country, nor supporting terrorists abroad. Advantage good guys.
You may have issues with US foreign policy, domestic policy, whatever. You may think George Bush is a dirt bag rich kid. But if you can't look at the fear lifting from the people of Iraq and concede that good guys are winning on the ground in a critical way, then your political and ethical judgment is seriously out of whack somewhere.
Ya, team! The good guys won, whether anyone likes it or not!
posted by Al at 4/15/2003 12:36:00 AM
April 14, 2003
The cheapest price for liberty
Just ran across a quote that I found interesting concerning the radical pre-Civil War abolitionist John Brown, who was hanged as a supposed traitor. Apply it to current situations wherever you think it fits. Iraq comes to mind.
John Brown taught us that the cheapest price to pay for liberty is its cost today.
-WEB DuBois
posted by Al at 4/14/2003 03:46:00 PM
Scratch actually shoulda won
I've just posted some comments on the classic 1941 movie version of The Devil and Daniel Webster starring Walter Huston as ol' Scratch.
Actually, by rights Scratch should have had Jabez and Dan'l as well.
posted by Al at 4/14/2003 03:31:00 PM
Buffy's birthday
Born April 14, 1977 Sarah Michelle Gellar turns 26 today. Happy birthday, Buffy!
I don't have any profound insights into Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but it's surely one of the most serious minded shows ever engineered for a young audience.
Do you want to download nude pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar? Sorry, I can't help you, but I do like the thought of the search hits that having the phrase "download nude pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar" twice in a post would seem likely to generate. Can't hurt.
Besides, she seems like a very nice girl. Can't you sick bastards be contented with just a nice, classy photo? What the hell is wrong with you anyway?
posted by Al at 4/14/2003 02:07:00 AM
Loretta Lynn, icon of womanhood
 Born April 14, 1935 in Butcher Holler, Kentucky, Loretta Lynn turns 68 today.
Beyond anything else, Loretta is the top female artist in the history of country songwriting, excepting maybe Dolly Parton. Of course, Dolly didn't manage to have six children and 29 grandchildren while she was making her mark. Loretta had whole other tales to tell about domesticity and curbing a wayward man that Dolly didn't know anything about.
The coal miner's daughter was peaking just as I was in the five to ten year old range. With my place and time, Loretta became a major icon of womanhood to me. She had all those anthems of pride in family and roots, but also no-nonsense knocking down on drunk philandering husbands and the little Sheilas leading them on. She's what a woman is supposed to be about. If I had to pick just one song, I'd probably favor "You Ain't Woman Enough (To Take My Man)".
As to her best recordings, she has a big ol' box set that's great for us hardcore fans, but for practical purposes you couldn't really improve on the MCA Loretta Lynn - 20 Greatest Hits CD. It should be a staple part of any even half-decent country music collection.
LORETTA LYNN 1974 HEE HAW PICTURES 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 CONWAY TWITTY-LORETTA LYNN 1974 IMAGES 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Loretta Lynn and Jack White pictures Labels: country_music
posted by Al at 4/14/2003 02:05:00 AM
April 13, 2003
Lowell George, rock and roll doctor
Dedicating this with love to my late brother Malcolm Perkins, Lowell George's #1 fan
On a perhaps somewhat less highly exalted, but particularly funky note, April 13 also marks the birthday of the late Lowell George, the songwriter, singer and guitarist for Little Feat. Amongst many classic songs, George wrote at least one full-fledged standard, "Willin'".
Lowell was basically a rich kid coming up, but he got the blues down deep in his own way. He had the real feeling, the quirky artsy bent (a fortuitous apprenticeship with Frank Zappa probably brought this out even more) to make something uniquely personal out of it, and the pure hook-writing songcraft to make it work.
In addition, he played exceptional, as he once described it, "sleazy" slide guitar. He also had a really good, supple band behind him that even contributed some outstanding songs themselves. George really used the multiple drummers and horn section. They got some outstanding New Orleans sounds in the mix, particularly on the Waiting for Columbus version of "Dixie Chicken".
One testament to their skill as live performers: the live versions of many of their songs (particularly on the uber-classic Waiting for Columbus album) clearly eclipsed the very good studio recordings. Indeed this would be the first album of theirs to get. I can't think of any other rock or pop group where I'd recommend starting with the live album.
In short, Little Feat was something like what the Grateful Dead might have been had they inverted the proportions of iconography to actual musical and songwriting skill.
Here would give you a strong line up for a Little Feat Mastermix CD:
Willin' (Sailin' Shoes)
Rock and Roll Doctor (Feats Don't Fail Me Now)
Spanish Moon (Waiting for Columbus)
Feats Don't Fail Me Now (Feats Don't Fail Me Now)
Don't Bogart That Joint (Waiting for Columbus)
Easy to Slip (Sailin' Shoes)
Time Loves a Hero (Waiting for Columbus)
Cold, Cold, Cold (Sailin' Shoes)
Strawberry Flats (Little Feat)
On Your Way Down (Dixie Chicken)
A Apolitical Blues (Sailin' Shoes)
Fat Man in the Bathtub (Waiting for Columbus)
Easy Money (George's solo Thanks, I'll Eat It Here)
Crazy Captain Gunboat Willie (Little Feat)
Sailin' Shoes (Sailin' Shoes)
China White (Hoy-Hoy)
Two Trains (Dixie Chicken)
Rocket in My Pocket (Waiting for Columbus)
Roll 'Um Easy (Dixie Chicken)
Trouble (Sailin' Shoes)
Dixie Chicken (Waiting for Columbus)
posted by Al at 4/13/2003 12:55:00 PM
Ask yourself, WWJD?
Surely we would be remiss to let slip the birthday of our greatest leader.
On this day in history, April 13, 1743 Thomas Jefferson was born. He was the principle author of the Declaration of Independence, and the 3rd US President (1801-09).
Shake off all the fears of servile prejudices, under which weak minds are servilely crouched. Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call on her tribunal for every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear.
-Thomas Jefferson
Labels: god, julie andrews
posted by Al at 4/13/2003 12:45:00 PM
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