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I've got a few especially controversial X-rated songs to share. I don't know if these are particularly wicked or evil- none of these are nearly as questionable to me as a lot of modern rap and metal. Nonetheless, these are pretty much out of print, and should remain sequestered from my main stash and away from those for whom such things are not appropriate.
But to the pure, all things are pure, so consider on the merits of the following rarities
The Rolling Stones
"Cocksucker Blues" - The Rolling Stones were all done with Decca records in 1970, but owed the company one more single. This resulted in THE classic Rolling Stones obscurity, created specifically to screw with their old record label. Decca refused to release the song, but it was apparently actually commercially released and then dropped four weeks later on a 1983 German Stones compilation.
Besides the not inconsiderable distinction of being the most wicked and unmentionable Rolling Stones song ever, it also turns out to be exceptionally good music. The recording is just Mick and Keef on an acoustic guitar. For one thing, I'd say that this was the closest these rich English boys ever got to the true dark helpless existential despair of the vintage American blues originals such as Robert Johnson.
Cocksucker Blues
(aka Schoolboy Blues)
(Jagger/Richards)
Well, I'm a lonesome schoolboy
And I just came into town
Yeah, I'm a lonesome schoolboy
And I just came into town
Well, I heard so much about London
I decided to check it out
Well, I wait in Leicester Square
With a come-hither look in my eye
Yeah, I'm leaning on Nelsons Column
But all I do is talk to the lions
Oh where can I get my cock sucked?
Where can I get my ass fucked?
I may have no money,
But I know where to put it every time
Well, I asked a young policeman
If he'd only lock me up for the night
Well, I've had pigs in the farmyard,
Some of them, some of them, they're alright
Well, he fucked me with his truncheon
And his helmet was way too tight
Oh where can I get my cock sucked?
Where can I get my ass fucked?
I ain't got no money,
But I know where to put it every time
I'm a lonesome schoolboy in your town
I'm a lonesome schoolboy
David Allan Coe
Ex-con and true country outlaw David Coe is best known as the author of "Would You Lay With Me in a Field of Stone" and "Take This Job and Shove It." His most interesting work by far though was the x-rated material. It's the truly animating outlaw expression out of his whole career, the true underground art that was never even intended for standard record company distribution. Best I can tell, the original releases were mail-order albums only, Nothing Sacred (1979) and Underground (1980).
Besides that these songs have been taped and passed around by the country crackers, they're not generally commercially available- yet pretty widely known among the country boys, especially more outlaw and biker types. But you can't order it at Amazon.
I bought an album called 18 X-Rated Hits from his merchandise table at a show in Milton, Indiana circa 2000. Only, even at his own show this was bad stuff, not displayed on his tables. I noticed them in a box underneath. They were literally selling this CD under the table - and charged me $40 for the obviously crude homemade packaging with Confederate flags on the front. the back said:
THESE SONGS NOT PERFORMED LIVE!
This album was intended for people's personal use. These songs will not be performed at any DAC concert live. (Don't bother to ask). He will not do them live - For Any Reason!
This is a collector's album, only! It's not available in any stores.
At this point in 2006, most of this sexual material would not raise eyebrows. But "I Made Linda Lovelace Gag" is still a really funny boast, a parody of machismo. The plaintive tale of poor "Little Suzy Shallow Throat" could bring a tear to your eye. It's one of the relatively less dirty, but I especially love the tale of the backsliding preacher in "Nothing Sacred." It reminds me of the apocryphal tale of a local lay preacher caught red handed with some little Sheila, whose reported explanation was that "God sent me a whore to use."
But "Nigger Fucker" remains the main real underground gesture, and crowning artistic achievement of Coe's entire career. First off, the song is racist. Coe is a bad person for writing it, and will no doubt go to hell, along with anyone who found the song funny. That last category will include almost everyone who hears it.
I note and grant that this song is particularly popular among my perhaps less socially enlightened cracker brethren, but then I'd bet a lot of those same white boys were among those most amused by Eddie Murphy busting down the redneck bar in 48 Hrs.
If you listen carefully and think it through, the humor is mostly at the expense of the racist narrator. His wife has abandoned him and the kids to run off with a black guy. "It looks like the jokes on me, but I don't think it's funny." To anyone else though, it IS funny. The main joke is the direct acknowledgement of the ultimate white guy insecurity- not being able to compete with the big, mighty black penis. This guy has been totally punked, and the payoff of the chorus is his admission of humiliation. "And to think I ate the pussy where that big black dick had been, and kissed those lips that sucked him off time and time again."
Some of y'all might find these songs right funny and catchy. Others will be properly offended at this great display of wickedness and racism, as well they should be. Whichever way gets you off, here are most of the X-rated David Allan Coe songs.
"Pick 'Em, Lick 'Em, Stick 'Em"
"One Monkey Don't Stop No Show"
The Feederz
"Jesus Entering From the Rear" - The Feederz were a punk rock group on Jello Biafra's Alternative Tentacles label. They are most noted for this infamous contribution to the 1980 label compilation Let Them Eat Jellybeans. It would be difficult to conceptualize a more blasphemous and willfully evil song than this. The best explanation and absolutely least offensive line of the song describes the Christ as "just another faggot, in just another mass." After that it gets nasty and sadistic. "We've got a lot of nails to do it to you again." Note the complete lyrics in the track tag of the mp3 file.
I bet the pope has a copy of this in his special anti-Christian pope library. And I bet that listening to it is a guilty pleasure.
I'll take this admonition from the official Feederz site as permission to use their song. Thank you.
Feel free to download any of these songs, and pass them amongst your friends, but all copyrights in the songs and recordings are of course reserved by the artists.
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