LONESOME AL BARGER'S MP3 CRACKER BARREL

Making Ayn Rand sound like Karl Marx!

Is Al Barger the crispiest and tastiest cracker of them all?  There will be no doubt about that after you listen to a couple of these Alcasts. But is Lonesome Al a rightwing psycho, a sheep in wolf's clothing, an epistemological guerilla, or do they just need to up his meds?  You be the judge.  Download these dangerous (but mostly PG rated) manifestos before Homeland Security catches on! 

"RIGHTWINGERS NEED LOVE TOO" by Dr BLT (Al's theme song)

Alcast #17 "Lonesome Al Barger IS Orwell Redenbacher"  July 13, 2015 Lonesome Al's been by himself back in the turnip patch for too long, and he's done turned into the tinfoil hat wearing hick who isn't quite hep to the Higher Cultural Conscience of the Existence and Necessity of Transcendence.  He must be crazy.

Alcast #16 "The Meek Shall Bully the Earth"  June 1, 2015  The so-called "anti-bullying" movement represents the purposeful infantilization and teaching of helplessness.  This amounts to indoctrination in victimhood.  This is far worse than most actual bullying

Alcast #15 "Art and Artifice:  Bob Dylan, Tom T Hall and the Cult of Woody Guthrie" March 5, 2015  So then, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I submit to you based on all this that Tom T Hall is a serious musical artist and that Woody Guthrie simply was not.  Woody had neither the skills nor even the intent of being a real musician or a real songwriter.  You can scrape up maybe half a dozen decent Woody songs, at best.  Tom T Hall sold probably literally a thousand times more records than Woody Guthrie not because he was part of some fantasy Nashville mafia, but because he was a thousand times better artist.

Alcast #14:  "Jesus Must Be Schizophrenic"  January 6, 2014  God is simply a single but multiple personality schizophrenic individual – like Norman Bates.  That would kind of explain the characters.  There’s the nice meek son possessed by the spirit of the evil or ill tempered parent – the mother who murdered Janet Leigh in the shower or the vengeful father Yahweh wiping out whole cities.  Then there’s poor Norman and Jesus trying to clean up after their crazy parents.  That would explain a lot of craziness in the world.

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THE BARGER ESTATE MASSACRE  October 2013  This is not quite an Alcast per se, but close enough.  This is the documented true story of the foolishness surrounding the settlement of my father's estate.  From just the right angle, it's a regular laugh riot. From my LyingShyster.com  TEXT VERSION 

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Lucky Alcast #13:  "A Love Cabin in the Sky"  March 31, 2013   There are two parallel rails to the track that my train is running on today.  One rail is love and praise for this excellent movie classic.  On the other rail, I’ll be performing my usual quixotic battle with the supposed forces of modern moral righteousness

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Alcast #12:  "On the Important Necessity of Offending Muslims 2-23-2013   Good Americans should just absolutely go ahead and burn a few copies of the friggin’ Koran.  Indeed, have some Koran weenie roasts, and heat a few hot dogs over burning copies of the Koran – not copies censoriously confiscated from libraries, but legitimately bought and paid for by American patriots for firewood and kindling.  This isn’t censorship, but protest.  Our purchases would also be a sort of hillbilly multiculturalism, supporting the Koran printing industry which doubtless employees many Muslims or young Chinese worldwide.

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Alcast #11:  "I Didn't Sign No Stinkin' Social Contract!" 1-13-2013  Really, by what logic would the fact that Barack Obama managed to get 50 and one half of a percent of the secret vote of a secret gang of thieves ethically oblige me to do what he says when his gendarmes are not watching?

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AUDIOBOOK:  No Treason:  The Constitution of No Authority    A simple reading of Lysander Spooner's 1869 text. READ THE TEXT

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Alcast #10: "Boo Kitty Blues"  12-12-2012  In which extra Lonesome Al recounts the life and loss of his beloved Boo Kitty.  You decide whether this is gripping Aristotelian dramatic pathos or merely pathetic.  Do your people a favor, and forward this link to all your cat loving friends.

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Alcast #9:  "Brother Al Barger Rebukes the Sinful American Voter, 2012"  11-13-2012  In our near future, I’m seeing terrible plagues, including rivers of blood generated by Obama’s pals in the Muslim Brotherhood, the frogs will still be arrogant even as they abandon France to the Muslims, the dust will turn to lice.  There’ll be swarms of flies, the cattle will die, boils will infect even the pharoh’s magicians on the federal reserve board...

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Alcast #8:  "Melvin Wilhelm and David Ison, BFF - Stipps Hill Massacre Anniversary"  9-25-2012  A somewhat somber meditation on the Stipps Hill massacre in Franklin County, Indiana one year later.

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Alcast #7:  "Lonesome Al's White Christian Narrative of American Exceptionalism"  8-27-2012  Your flag decal won't get you into heaven anymore, but it will point the pure of heart at least in the general direction of the golden gate.  Jesus and James Madison would agree with Al on this.

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Alcast #6:  "Rented Mexicans"  7-30-2012  In which Lonesome Al unpacks more of his white Christian narrative of American exceptionalism, according to which, if simply breathing while Mexican is against the law, then the law is an ass.  And so is anyone who gets up on their moral high-horse about it.  You should try to treat your Mexicans at least as good as you treat your livestock.  It’s the decent Christian thing to do. 

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Alcast #5: "A Gift from Homeland Security" 6-15-2012  I gots me here a big fat list of exactly 354 bad words and phrases that officially draw Homeland Security attention when you use them online, and of course I’m just happier than a pig in slop. THE LIST 

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Alcast #4: "Beggars" 6-1-2012 Not to put too fine a point on it, do-gooders playing in the middle of traffic are an awful temptation for rightwing nutjobs. Jesus agrees with Al on this - just ask Him.

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Alcast #3: "Richard Lugar Eats a Booger Day" 5-15-2012 A determinedly childish celebration of the defeat of US Senator Richard Lugar.  Mmm, what a delicious schadenfreude sundae! 

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Alcast #2: "Suffer the Children"  4-20-2012  In which Lonesome Al makes the little children suffer, just like Jesus said, and like a demented Frankensteinian Julia Childs he shares cooking tips for girl soup and the roasting of little boys.  Fe, Fi, Fo, Fum! 

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Alcast #1: "Newt Gingrich for President Manifesto"  4-1-2012  In this initial Alcast, a self-proclaimed "angry white male" explains why you should support Newt Gingrich for President, cause America deserves President Newt Gingrich 

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ALCAST BLOG AND COMMENTS

Oh sure, ol' Al Barger may seem like a nice fellow.  Al Barger is the bravest, kindest, warmest, most wonderful human being you'll ever know.  Just ask him, he'll tell you. But he's not fooling everyone.  One anonymous Ron Paul supporter explained to Al the real score:

Your bloodthirstiness and bigotry, as I see it, stems from your willingness to buy into the narrative of American exceptionalism which, in short, says "white Christians and those that adopt the white Christian narrative, are good, and brown-skinned people of other religions, especially those who resist the subjugation of their races, religion, and land, are bad". And you do so with the pride of a boastful fool because you can sit back and watch the news and read the paper far removed from the bloodshed, carnage, death, destruction, and misery which our foreign policy has wrought. What surprises me about you though, Al, is your ignorance of history and partisan talking point take on things. It's as though you know nothing other than what you hear and see on Fox News. Weren't you a journalism major? Come on, man, do your research and drop your bias! I'd have much more respect for your opinion on these matters, Al, if you'd address my facts and counter with a few of your own. Instead, again, all I read from you are shallow talking points made for the consumption of the bigotted, uneducated, and gullable.

 

"I'm screamin' pretty words, tryin' to make them rhyme."  Porter Wagoner, "The Rubber Room"


 

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