The Lonely Goatherd Blog And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats - Matthew 25:32
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November 26, 2002
Martial Mix CD: Songs for our fightin' troops Our boys need some tunes to inspire them as they prepare for the coming liberation of Iraq. Here are my two dozen ideas for inclusion on a mix CD to send to your brother, son, sister or cousin heading off for duty in the Middle East:
"Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J - I could imagine some of our boys wanting to wire up some speakers to boom this ultimate in gangsta rap upon a garrison of Republican Guard troops in a loop. "I think I'm gonna bomb a TOWN, get down! I gotta thank GOD, cause he gave me the strength to rock HARD. Knock you out, Mama said knock you out."
"Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner" by Warren Zevon - Other Warren possibilities include "The Envoy" or "The Long Arm of the Law." Somehow, you've got to have some Warren in the mix. "Roland," of course, is a eulogy for a great warrior, and Saddam should be well feeling the sentiment of the classic rock inevitability of having that "long arm of the law" tapping on his shoulder. Your cousin in the infantry might well say, "'Long arm of the law?' Oh yeah, that would be ME!" Then of course the badass envoy that carries a "lethal weapon that nobody sees" might entertain your soldier boy.
"Neighborhood Bully" by Bob Dylan - The "bully" would be the Israelis who had to deal with the Hussein problem twenty years ago. Here's one of Dylan's catchiest, most furious, and straightforward rock and roll classics. It's about taking care of business and protecting your own, even if the rest of the world hates you for it.
"Sabotage" by the Beastie Boys - Bringing the hard funk and the metal together in rare perfect harmony, the Beasties read the riot act to the provocateur: "You're scheming on a thing that's a mirage. I'm telling all y'all it's sabotage." Well, we've got an answer for that.
"Psycho Street" by Richard Thompson - You know where you try to get along and be nice with the neighbors, but it just ain't gonna work? This veers from the nice lollipop Mr. Rogers chorus about friendly neighbors, to the swinging psycho rants of the verses, with neighbors interrogating the cats, and cheerful throbbing murders amongst friends. "'Oh well,' says the dad as his life blood trickles away. 'Boys will be boys.'"
"I Walk on Guilded Splinters" by Dr. John - Here's a nice long, slow shuffling little New Orleans voodoo session, turning into an evil seance as the doctor conjures up a hex. "Put gris-gris on your doorstep, and soon you'll be in the gutter."
"Goon Squad" and "Oliver's Army" by Elvis Costello - "Goon Squad" may have been meant as a warning about how easy it is to get yourself caught up in the military-industrial complex or something, but it has an evil undertow that can make you want to take it to the enemy. That getting caught up in something idea is exactly the point. Yeah, boys, we're the frickin' GOON SQUAD. You want to try some of this?
"Oliver's Army" would be far scarier to folks if they saw past the sweet pop pleasantry. This song describes the creature that can't be touched by any enemy: the professional army. We've got a wealthy country that can afford to hire many of our very best minds to come and work in well-equipped units with all the best weapons and materials available to man. "Oliver's army is here to stay."
"Highway Patrol" by Junior Brown - Think of this modern honky tonk country classic in this context as a corollary to "Oliver's Army." It's a professional career. "I'm just a-doin' my job, I'm the highway patrol." Not some overheated belligerent badass, just a cop on the job. But I suggest you co-operate with his polite demands, lest you find yourself on the wrong end of a courteous and professional ass kicking.
"Blue Suede Shoes" by Elvis Presley, or alternately "A Little Less Conversation" You could even go for the "US Male." - Somewhere there has to be Presley. Certainly it or the "Blue Suede Shoes" give a friendly but aggressive warning as to the limits of the patience of America. Besides being a good modern techno song for a dance at the UFO, "a little less conversation, a little more action" might suit the mood of many good military folks who would like to go if we're going, and get the job done.
"The Bitch Is Back" by Elton John - Back before he collapsed into weary sighs, Elton could rock like a bitch. "I can bitch, I can bitch, cause I'm better than you." With them guitars cutting right through to the bone, this would be a perfect song to play in the cockpit as you're dropping bombs on the presidential palaces.
"Der Fuhrer's Face" by Spike Jones - This gives a little shot of something different in the mix. While still a good movement to buoy the fighting spirits, this WWII novelty classic brings in a little historical perspective, and a classic model for properly disrespecting a tyrant.
"The Payback" by James Brown - This long, slinky, dirty precision funk just carries out that long slow inevitability of getting what you got to have done to ya.
"Bad Reputation" by Joan Jett - We might have to send this classic blast of defiance back to the "good folks" at the UN who seem to think we need their permission to defend ourselves. Plus, it occurred to me while watching her pointedly throwing off a burqa at a USO show that this chick is a good personification of what we're fighting for. Joan Jett IS the all-American girl.
"They Ain't Making Jews Like Jesus Anymore" by Kinky Friedman - The redneckest damned Jewboy in all of Texas lays down the law in this perfect country barroom singalong. This would be a good thing for our boys to listen to while they're having a couple of drinks in the bar the night before a big mission. "No, we don't turn the other cheek the way we done before."
"Bad" by Michael Jackson - Granted, the guy's gone off his beam in the last ten years. Nonetheless, he's made some of the best records in the history of recorded pop music, and you can't take that away from him. This one lays down the law harder than any funk other than by James Brown Himself. "You're doing wrong. Gonna lock you up, before too long." With the syncopated lock steps of the rhythm and unrepenting washes of organ, this ain't a threat- it's a promise.
Show your stuff, or let it be
I'm telling you, just watch your mouth
I know your game, what you're about
"Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue" by Toby Keith - Alan Jackson's "Where Were You" is actually a pretty good song and a nice meditation, but it ain't cuttin' it when you're psyching up to kick some ass. This'll do the trick.
"Unchained" by Van Halen - It just seems like our fightin' soldiers need a little bit of classic churning Eddie Van Halen guitar while they're hitting the beaches with a little message for Mr. Hussein after many years of his foolishness. "Change- ain't nothing stays the same. Unchained, and you hit the ground running."
"America" by Prince gives one very colorful and specifically patriotic blast of the funk, a little note of pride in living in a free country, problems or no.
"Pride" by U2 - This song can produce surging, loving conviction to stand up for freedom. Of course this song was written in admiration of the non-violent Martin Luther King. Even Bono, however, would tell you that it takes something different to stand up to some misguided crackers in Birmingham versus Arab psychopaths.
"Drink Before the War" by Sinead O'Connor - We can also send this one out to my buddy Salam, and all the other good folk of Iraq who are caught in the crossfire. Hope we're helping you rather than hurting, but it's definitely going to be ugly. This big slow, but relentlessly powerful ballad from her classic first album would make a good last pause before our boys go out and do what has to be done.
Finally, at long last: "Let's Roll" by Neil Young - This brooding midtempo song might be more something to buck up your conviction as you face the actual immediate danger, a reminder of what we're really dealing with- staring evil directly in the eye. I could see some Navy Seals listening to this while they smear on the camouflage make-up.
