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Al Barger and MoreThings - getting people's goats since 1998.
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December 08, 2006
Calvin Broadus for UN ambassador
John Bolton has resigned his position as US ambassador to the UN. He could never get to an up or down vote on the floor. Democrats on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee solidly opposed him, and ingrate outgoing Republican senator Lincoln Chaffee stuck a knife into Bush's nominee as a way of saying "thank you" for all the support in the campaign.
Generally, the criticisms have been along the lines that Bolton is too blunt and forceful in his expressions, drawing descriptive adjectives like "confrontational" or "abrasive." Bolton critics wish to follow the philosophy of the Film Actors Guild, handling dangerous people with talk and reasoning.
The point being that apparently not only should we not act militarily against dangerous dictators, but we're not even to bark at them a little. This leads to strategically counterproductive and morally shameful displays like President Clinton's Secretary of State Madeleine Albright making all buddy-buddy with Kim Jong Il rather than, say, taking the opportunity to cut his goddam throat with a steak knife during their state dinner.
We get these kinds of ridiculous displays based on the mistaken belief born from extremely wishful thinking that we are negotiating with diplomats and statesmen at the UN. Mostly, we are not. Most of the countries in the UN are not really even vaguely democratic, nor especially interested in the good of their own countrymen - much less the rest of the world.
In the practice, it would be closer to the mark to consider the UN as a gang of cutthroat gangsters out for their own power and wealth, whatever leftwing or Islamic ideologies they wrap around the raw facts. Stuff like the Albright North Korea visit makes US look like fools, as if we thought Kim Jong Il would respond to such a display of nicey-nice any way other than sticking it up in US and breaking it off. Duh. Talk about an American idiot.
So then, I'd like to offer a modest proposal: Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr for US ambassador to the United Nations. With his gangster background as an acolyte of the late Crips founder Stanley "Tookie" Williams, he's not going to confuse UN negotiations with some cheesy exercise in moral posturing.
Also, Mr Broadus has valuable and worldwide fame and skills as a communicator and entertainer under his stage name, Snoop Dogg. If mediocre actor Ronald Reagan could be an outstanding president, then the best gangster rapper could make an excellent diplomat.
Of course, he'd need to use his Christian name, but that's just a matter of being professional. Also, though I tend to think of him as a street ruffian, he cleans up surprisingly well.
Actually being from the street, Snoop might be seen as a little raw, but that's mostly really a diplomatic asset. "Negotiator" would probably be a better word for this application though, rather than "diplomat." Snoop would be just the guy for US to send out like Tom Hagen to make the Iranians an offer they can't refuse. Hey Ahmadinejad - Snoop's upside your head.
Indeed, under this scenario, Kim Jong Il would have to consider the possibility that unlike Albright or the grouchy uncle Bolton, this new envoy might would have some lethal weapon that no one sees when he shows up for cocktails and a blunt. As UN Ambassador, Calvin Broadus would be Warren Zevon's diplomatic wet dream. I'm sure Snoop would get good use out of diplomatic immunity and pouches.
Finally, as a bonus, I would really enjoy seeing how the Arab press tries painting Snoop Dogg as a Christian crusader.
SNOOP DOGG PHOTOS, PAGE 1 2 3 4 5 6
posted by Al at 12/08/2006 02:33:00 AM
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